#Boris #totalitarian
Among other things, I am writing the sequel to Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. This book I am also converting into a screen play where I play the main character ‘Ofrupert’. The one and only Handjob Maiden left on the planet.
The Handjob Maiden’s Tale is set in a totalitarian society in what used to be part of Great Britain where all the original hand maids, Offred’s etc. are post-menopausal and the commanders all now sterile. The only thing that is left for the Handmaid’s to do is practice cats cradle and hand jobs for their commanders. Everything else is futile.
I won’t give anymore away; I imagine you’ve got the gist. At my last Perverse Verse event we enacted the scene published below so I know how well it works. Even I, as the main character was moved.
I am performing the show again at The Lodge Space, a yoga studio in Surrey Quays this Friday. The owners were looking for some light comedy entertainment. I can’t wait. Even though I have insomnia and everything is difficult right now. I can’t wait to perform a whole live show, all on my own. I shall be singing old favourites like ‘The Suicidal Farmer’ and ‘Yogic Internal Cleansing’, only right and proper as performing in a yoga studio. There will be competitions with stunning prizes of some ‘Handmaid Fanny Soap’ and some ‘Who Gives a Crap’ loo roll along with some ‘Hand Job Sanitiser’. After my script below is the Boris Prayer I shall end the show with. Do come on down, you don’t even have to do yoga. https://www.thelodge.space/events Got to rush, rehearsing beckons.
Scene one: The Handjob Maiden’s Tale
Commander: Joseph Fiennes lookalike preferably with beard
Hand job Maiden: Liz Bentley
(Commander is standing in his bedchamber)
C: Hand job Maiden! Hither to. I’d like my daily handjob
M: Praise be. You do not want to get near me
C: Why oh handjob maiden?
M: (she puts on her virus – a green virus looking top)
I have car owner virus
C: Oh! (jumps away, looking fearful) I see
M: And I have the long car owner mutant ninja variant
C: (scratches his beard) Are you tricking me? I know you have a Masters degree in mind/body psychotherapy. You can treat me.
M: Praise be! If I give you psychotherapy does that mean no handjob for today from me?
C: Yes. The virus has put me off my stif-fy
THE END
The Boris Prayer
Our father, who aren’t in heaven
Fallowed be thou brow
They face mask come
Brexit has been done
In Europe as it was in Britain
Give us our daily PCR test
And forgive those who lateral flow
As we fill our food banks
And refill those that refilled them
Two meters apart
And lead us not into our GP surgery
Deliver us from zoom
For pharma is the kingdom
The power and the glory
For the foreseeable future
For ever and ever, or until further notice
AMen (woman, trans, they, pan, poly, auto, demi, gay, queer, mono, bicurious , hetro, bi)
A mortal, A immortal, AI, ACDC, ABCDEFGHI and back again to …..A MEN
Liz Bentley 