Author: mslizbentley

"Psychotherapist by day/Comedian by Night" Liz Bentley, with over 500 gigs, 4 full length shows and 3 books to her name, is currently playing keyboards with Pig City Committee and waiting for her new book 'The Suicidal Theraist' to be published this year.
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#Masturbation

I was going to advertise my show (#Sex, politics and men with grey/white beards) which is on at the Freud Museum on Saturday , however , I have found out it has already sold out. It’s just like being back at the Edinburgh fringe on a rainy week.

I am so excited as never have I taken part in an exhibition on masturbation (they are calling it ‘solitary pleasures’)

I play solitaire all the time … and this picture is of my highest score …

p.s in other news , I’m nearly on my way to London in my other blog

fromessextolondonin101boyfriends.com

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#Jeremy Kyle Show, knee injury and blue flowers

My husband came home with beautiful ‘get well soon’ blue flowers , I paused the TV while he put them in the vase. I was very pleased to notice the flowers went beautifully with the back drop of the Jeremy Kyle show.

Day 12 of knee injury, the flowers symbolise hope, the Jeremy Kyle Show symbolises the cessation of all biological products.

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The #Marathon Man

Whilst most enjoy this event, and thousands of charities benefit, this day reminds me of being assaulted by a runner at the Flora London Marathon while I was cheering all the runners on in Druid Street.  As I was about to put money into his bucket, this ‘fun’ runner grabbed my breasts and sprinted off.  It really hurt.  My friend ran after him to see if he could catch his number but the Marathon Man sprinted fast past 100’s of other ‘fun’ runners.  This is a song I wrote about it, fantasizing that I’d caught him.   It is published in my first collection ‘Tales from the Deep End”.

 

Flora 59384

I’m the marathon man, and proud of my identity
I’m the marathon man, I run for the, MS Society

I wear a blonde wig and carry a very large hockey stick
St Trinian’s style school skirt that barely covers my genitalia

I’m the marathon man, I can’t possibly fail
I’m an internalised homophobic male

I jog along fine as I grope at the girls I have such a good time
I run like flash Harry my balls bounce along to the finishing line

I’m the marathon man, I have destination
I’m like a woman without a castration

1991 three blondes and a dwarf
1992 ginger at the Canary Wharf
1993 St John’s ambulance nurse
1994 half a brownie pack – the Brown Owl first
1995 Left of the jazz band on the Jamaica Road, a woman on crutches
1996 Left of the jazz band on the Jamaica Road, a woman in a wheelchair, (the same woman?)
1997 Left of the jazz band on the Jamaica Road, that same woman wasn’t there, but there was a bird on stilts
1998 there was this woman who looked like a lesbian, but she loved it
1999 & 2000 lots more birds
2001 loads more, loadsa loadsa birds
2002 birds

2003
I’m the marathon man, burnt a hole in one of my, plastic breasts,
I’m the marathon man, but I think its time to, give it a rest

She ran faster than Harry and took down my number that bitch at the Bermondsey tree
The poor MS people lose out on the cash, and I’m having an alcohol re- lapse

I’m the marathon man flora 59384
I’m the marathon man flora 59384

 

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Tesco Delivery man and the Gate

What a kerfuffle, Tesco delivery man couldn’t find us today, when he did the gate was broken.  After an initial consultation by Nigel (who tends the gates and other aspects of the Pioneer Centre) it was realised that the heat yesterday had had an impact on the workings of the gate.  It had got so excited that it kept opening and closing, it wouldn’t stop, the workings getting dryer and dryer, not surprisingly.

It is working again now, thanks to Nigel, after being turned off for a while.  Similar things happen in the extreme cold, it gets stuck.  The gates are like humans.

Tesco delivery got through eventually with the prosecco for our first BBQ of the year.  Yesterday I had put going to Aldi on my bucket list, I would love to be able to walk about a supermarket so great and get the wonderful bargains, but after my enjoyable exchanges with Nigel and Tesco delivery, I am content, and the Aldi trip is less of a priority before I die.

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