Packing in Mental Health Day and London Cocktail week and waiting for the Tesco Delivery Man with Julie Andrews


Julie holding Simple soap with Tesco Delivery Man

To celebrate World Mental Health Day, Julie Andrews helped me with my Tesco delivery and we got out of the house and went to see Alice Cooper and the Stranglers at O2. To celebrate London Cocktail week I had a cocktail with Julie at the O2 while watching Alice Cooper and the Stranglers. Julie Andrews and I go back a long way, we both worked at Marie Stopes abortion clinic, we both trained as counsellors and we both did our Masters degree at Goldsmiths age 43. We both had a child in the year 2000 and we both got married within the last 4 years. She changed her name so I don’t feel I can ask her to sing “The Hills are Alive” so frequently, even though I know she wouldn’t mind.

My favourite Alice Cooper lyric isn’t “Only Women Bleed”, despite our world bleeding to death, depicted by the Red Rebels of Extinction Rebellion who have been demonstrating admirably all week, but it is the lyric “Even my shadow has lice”. In the depths of my mental distress, I have felt like my shadow had lice or at least that my bed bugs had greater importance on the planet than me. Here is my Bed Bug song, possibly inspired by the great Alice Cooper and the bed bugs I had in the squat I lived in Bermondsey in the late 1980’s with Uncle Pervious.

Keeping a live Bed Bug – Staying Alive

Lay down flat, on the mattress
No sex tonight, we’re out to get bite
By the bed bugs

Little tiny white ones, hungry baby white ones
Ah, bless ’em

Snuggle down, under the eiderdown
Sort of rhymes but not true
Really a du
…. vet

Glistening shiny pink ones
Don’t splatter those ones, might be carrying baby ones
Ah, bless ’em

Uh uh uh uh staying in bed, staying in bed (to the tune of The Bee Gees)
Uh uh uh uh staying in bed

Deep sleep, nightmares creep
Wake up and leap out of bed,
Light on, oh what fun inspecting
Bed bugs

Big dark daddy red ones
Juicy juicy fat ones
Ah, bless ’em

Put them in the cigarette tin
Keep them alive for a day or so
Wash out the stains on the sheet if you can
Or die them red, passion for the
Bed bugs

Itchy, but nice, er than lice

And the bed bugs sing-
We don’t fear death just excites us more
We like to grieve for our cousins
So, don’t worry

We make good pets
We’re easy to keep
We don’t affect your sleep and you are
Never ever, ever lonely

So don’t worry about us, we like to die
And you have much more in your life to worry about

And the coloured bed bugs sing (to that Lou Reed tune)
Do, do do, do do do do do do do do do do etc. (fade)

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